Evil Dental, Excellent
Full coverage for you and your dependents, and for henchmen, because let's be honest, they need it more.
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Join The InstitutionBuild a career in evil finance
We're always looking for people who are good with numbers, comfortable with sharks, and willing to work in a building where the lobby fountain occasionally contains something with teeth. Flexible hours. Generous hazard pay. Genuinely excellent dental.
Why Bank of Evil
Benefits that are, statistically, above average
Hazard Pay
Additional compensation whenever your role brings you into proximity with lava, sharks, laser grids or management.
Lair Perks
Discounted rates on lair financing and a yearly, mandatory, deeply relaxing retreat at a fortified island.
Retirement Plan
Compound interest on your side of the ledger. Retire whenever world domination permits, which is never. Still, the plan is good.
Open Roles
Current opportunities
Plot Loan Underwriter
Full-time · Offshore Financial District
Assess the feasibility of world domination, weather control and giant-robot schemes. A sense of proportion is nice but not required; the schemes don't have any either.
- 5+ years in lending or evil project finance
- Comfortable declining applications from people in capes
- Ability to keep a straight face during a monologue
Shark Handler & Laser Technician
Full-time · Vault Level B2
Feed, train and maintain our aquatic security assets. Integrate and service laser attachments. Yes, that's the whole job.
- Marine biology or applied laser background
- Excellent swimming, obviously
- No fear of enclosed tanks or mild ethical ambiguity
Vault Systems Engineer
Full-time · Buried & Submerged Facilities
Design, monitor and automate access to the vault. Keep our locks cutting-edge and our sharks informed of who is allowed in.
- Security engineering and access control experience
- Biometrics, encryption and failover systems
- Comfort working below sea level without a window
Henchman Team Lead
Full-time · Multiple Branch Locations
Supervise squads of henchmen across branches. Manage rosters, uniforms, morale and the recoil of using the snack budget for snacks.
- Team leadership in high-attrition environments
- Logistics and scheduling at scale
- Fluent in enthusiastic gesturing
Alias & Records Officer
Full-time · Location undisclosed
Maintain the alias ledger. Guard the true identities of our clients. Talk to no one about anything, ever, including this job listing.
- Impeccable records and confidentiality discipline
- Comfort with being nearly unfindable
- No social media presence required. Encouraged, actually.
Branch Teller
Full-time · Main Branch, Gold Sign Location
Serve clients at the counter. Handle deposits of an unusual nature. Do not look directly at anything that shouldn't be glowing.
- Customer service experience
- Cash handling and basic gold appraisal
- Willingness to act like nothing unusual is happening
Apply