About Bank of Evil

Nearly a century of financing the world's most ambitious schemes. We've seen every plan, funded most of them, and learned to keep our expectations appropriately low. Our sign has been gold, our facade red, and our discretion absolute since the very first deposit.

Our Story

From a single ledger to a global nuisance

Bank of Evil was founded in 1933 by a consortium of deposed aristocrats, disgraced scientists and one extremely patient accountant. The premise was simple and, at the time, radical: villains deserve a bank that takes them seriously.

Where conventional institutions saw risk, we saw collateral. Where they saw "uninsurable volcanic real estate," we saw a mortgage product. Where they saw "a man in a cape yelling about the moon," we saw a bridge loan with an unusually eager borrower.

The original branch — the one with the gold sign and the red facade — still stands. It is our headquarters, our vault, and on Fridays, our staff canteen.

Milestones

A brief history of bad ideas, funded

1933. Founded. First loan issued to a gentleman who wished to remain nameless, for reasons that became obvious.
1948. Opened our first offshore vault. Immediately lost the keys. Recovered them in 1952.
1967. Financed our first volcano lair. Insurers said no. We built it anyway. It's still standing.
1979. Survived our first hostile takeover attempt by a rival bank. We kept the sign.
1994. Introduced the Shark-Based Weaponry R&D facility line. Popular immediately.
2008. Acquired and rebranded a struggling investment house. The sign now reads "Formerly Lehman Brothers." We thought it was funny. Everyone else did too.
2014. Opened our lunar storage facility. Still the only one of its kind. Probably.
Today. $4.7 trillion under domination, 1.24 million minions financed, and a very busy Thursday.

Leadership

Meet the people holding the (gold) pen

Mr. Perkins

President & Chief Executive

Forty years in evil finance and still wearing the same suit. Mr. Perkins has reviewed more doomed schemes than any underwriter alive, and approved a surprising number of them anyway. Believes strongly in family, compound interest, and not lending to your own son's rival.

Dr. Avril Crane

Chief Risk Officer

The only person at the bank who reads the fine print of your own plan back to you. Personally reset the rate on weather-machine financing after "the incident." Nobody argues with Dr. Crane twice.

Barnaby Voss

Head of Shark-Based Lending

Joined as a diver, stayed for the sharks. Maintains the largest personal collection of laser schematics in the industry and the second-largest collection of shark teeth.

Ms. Okafor

Chief Discretion Officer

Knows every client's real name and has told no one, including — for reasons she considers obvious — you. Guards the alias ledger personally. Has never once been photographed.

Our Values

What we stand for (loosely)

Discretion

What happens at Bank of Evil stays in the vault, where it can be visited by sharks.

Ambition

We have never declined a loan for being too large. We have declined many for being nonsensical.

Consistency

Same gold sign, same red facade, same willingness to fund your terrible idea, since 1933.

Limits

We won't finance freezing the world. Please stop asking. Your scheme is not the exception.