Accounts built to hide, hold and multiply

Deposit the spoils. Pay the henchmen. Stash the rest where no hero will ever think to look. Every Bank of Evil account comes standard with encryption, discretion, and a genuinely uncomfortable vault.

Henchman Checking

Everyday spending for you and your crew. Clean, fast and quietly terrifying.

$0 /month with qualifying balance

Unlimited Evil Network ATM withdrawals
Dark Card contactless debit
Instant transfers across secret identities
Payroll for up to 5,000 minions
Freeze/unfreeze your card with one menacing tap

Open an account

Highest Yield

Minion Savings

A high-yield vault account. Interest compounds while you monologue — which, let's be honest, is most of the day.

4.20% APY, variable

No minimum, no maximum, no mercy
Unlimited deposits and withdrawals
Optional shark-guarded sub-account
Split your balance across up to 9 vaults
Gold and diamond deposits accepted

Start saving

Offshore & Off-World

For assets that prefer not to appear on anyone's ledger. Multi-currency, multi-jurisdiction, one lunar branch.

Bespoke pricing

Accounts across 40 shell jurisdictions
Bearer bonds and untraceable instruments
Submarine-accessible facilities
Lunar storage vaults (low gravity, lower scrutiny)
Dedicated relationship manager, sworn to silence

Speak with a specialist

Minion Savings Calculator

See what your hoard becomes

We use nightly compounding — which is exactly as aggressive as it sounds. Adjust your starting gold, monthly contributions and timeline below.

Starting balance: $10,000.00

Monthly deposit: $1,000.00

Timeline: 10 years

APY: 4.20%

$0.00 Projected Balance

$0.00 Total Deposited

$0.00 Interest Gained

Illustrative only. Projections assume a constant APY, no withdrawals, and that a hero doesn't destroy your vault. APY is variable and may change at any time, usually dramatically.

At a Glance

Account comparison

Feature	Checking	Savings	Offshore
Monthly fee	$0*	$0	Bespoke
Debit card	Dark Card	Vault card	None (by design)
Interest	0.90% APY	4.20% APY	Negotiated
ATM access	Evil Network	Evil Network	Submarine only
Henchman payroll	✓	—	✓
Lunar branch	—	—	✓
Discretion level	High	Very high	Legally ambiguous

*$1,500 minimum balance, or a documented, enthusiastic evil laugh.

Good to Know

What every villain should ask

Deposits up to $250,000 per secret identity are insured by the Fully Depository Insurance Collective.
All accounts include free fraud monitoring by a team of unusually observant henchmen.
Henchman payroll integrates with your existing minion timesheet system.
Overdraft protection available — your sharks do not need to know.

Open an Account

Start banking with evil intent

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Tell us about your plot

By submitting you agree to the Bank of Evil Account Terms, the Vault Access Agreement, and the reasonable possibility that your application will be reviewed by someone in a cape.